How I Started Blogging…the Naked Truth

How I Started Blogging: probably one of my most dreaded questions, that hasn’t quite been answered to the fullest extent of truth until this post. It’s something I usually don’t like to go into detail about, but seeing my friend, Jenn of Jennsemble, speak of something similar fueled a fire in me to do so.

Many responses from me have come up in regards to answering this question…”I love makeup,” “I love to dress,” “I love inspiring others,” and “I love to be inspired”…all of which are true, but the primary reason is simply because I needed to.

I was one of those kids in school constantly getting picked on…too skinny…too nerdy…no friends…dating a white boy…hanging out with too many white people…yes, these things were actually said to me.

Quick background about that, I went to school in a very racist parish in Louisiana, where our junior and senior proms were segregated until 2007. Yep, you read that correctly. We actually had a black prom and white prom (though they didn’t particularly call it that, but I mean, come on) up until 2007. Just Google “Louisiana high school segregated prom in 2007” or something to that effect and you will see I’m not joking. Just sit back and imagine if you went to a school and grew up in a town like this.

Anyway, back to what I was saying, I constantly heard these things from classmates and kids I went to school with. I mentioned it to a family member and all she could tell me was, “just ignore it.” Let me be the first to tell you, that is the worst advice ever. Does not work.

So yeah, I made it through my grade school years, attending prom with my “at the time” boyfriend of a frowned upon opposite race, and followed my family member’s advice of “ignoring them.” Not many people know this, but I spent many, many nights crying myself to sleep, just hoping the pain would go away.

After wearing makeup to prom, I realized that I had a little more interest than just wearing it to special events. Something told me to YouTube “makeup tutorials” and that’s when I found treasures…tutorials galore. I spent half a day watching makeup videos and thought to myself, “would people listen to me if I did this, or would they just be nonchalant like with everything else?” Obviously I didn’t care and started making videos of my own, accompanied with a blog, Makeup by Candie at the time. It brought me more joy than I ever thought possible. It brought me to a new high in life, somewhere where I never thought I would be again.

I made it to college and being around new students made me slightly go back towards those dark times in my grade school career. I spent a few more nights crying, staying up late until I just couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up scheduling my first appointment with a psychiatrist, hoping I had finally made it to someone who would listen. I paid out of pocket for my first 2 appointments (didn’t use my insurance), as I didn’t want or need my parents finding out. Last thing I needed was for someone to tell me I was crazy, which I know I wasn’t. Sometimes we just need someone to listen to us and not judge, and at the time, that’s exactly what I needed. So I did exactly what I needed to do.

I went to my 1st appointment with the psychiatrist and pretty much broke down in front of her, tissues and tears galore. Had no idea why. 95% of the time throughout all of this through the years, I had no idea why I was crying. That’s why I felt it pointless to even try to explain it anyone. There was nothing I could say to even start to make anyone understand. It was exhausting to even think about it. She gave me a homework assignment to take home and I felt like I was making progress, coming to terms with my feelings.

2nd appointment came around, she told me I had a mild case of depression and prescribed me a medicine I can’t remember the name of. No lie, I took the script, shredded it, and walked right out of the office and never returned. Medication was not what I was going to use to handle my problems. Instead, I relied on faith and started blogging heavily to get through my frustrations. You may remember the time I was posting 5-7 YouTube videos weekly. Yep, it was then.

I prayed and cried many more nights after this; I’m sure at least 200 days out of that entire year afterwards and continued to blog my little heart out. That was when I discovered a new love, fashion, something I hadn’t taken a second glance at in the past. I mean, I wore a t-shirt, jeans and flip-flops to class every single day. Just ask anyone that went to school with me, or, just watch my older YouTube videos!

I’ll admit, I was a newbie to the game in the beginning, but slowly but surely, my self-esteem began to increase and my blog and style got better over time. I even managed to meet an amazing guy along the way, who saw my potential and helped me to rebrand to The Beauty Beau, and my blog and social sites have flourished ever since. Some of the same people who used to pick on me in grade school now look to me for advice. Others are living much worse than me…multiple baby mommas/daddies, in jail or have been there, otherwise struggling, not trying to better themselves…this leads me into my next point.

Though I would never wish anything bad on anyone, I have to admit that karma is THE BEST. It’s always the kids who get picked on that end up coming out on top and happier than the rest. That’s a great message to all my readers and followers out there who may be going through something merely similar.

A main proponent in all of this has to be my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Though I never had any suicidal thoughts whatsoever, I honestly don’t know where I would be without Him. I don’t know what I ever did in life to deserve his grace, but I am forever grateful for his love and faithfulness. It got me through one of the toughest times in my life, naturally. I couldn’t be more thankful for that.

I won’t lie, it’s still tough at times, I still have flashbacks, but I’m quite sure that’s pretty normal. There’s nowhere to go except up from here and I’m being shown that day by day.

I know not everyone may not be a Christian or believe and this post isn’t intended to alter your beliefs in any way, shape or form. That’s not who I am. It’s simply to share my story and offer encouragement to those who may be hesitant to reach out to someone, for fear of not being listened to or taken seriously. Take it from me, there’s someone out there who cares and who will listen, someone who will get you. I get you because I’ve been there and am constantly managing it. If you ever need anyone to talk to, look to me as a 3rd party who will not judge you and who will listen to the fullest extent. Feel free to reach out to me at candace@makeupbycandie.com. I am here for all of you as you all have been for me!

On another note, these jeans are horrible. This is my proper size and they stretch too much! If you must get these, size down twice…at least!

Wearing:

Satin Green Bomber: c/o Dresslily Trendy Long Sleeve Zipper Design Jacket (available HERE)

Black Swing Vest: Boohoo Alice Swing Vest (available HERE)

Black Ripped Knee Jeans: GoJane Slit To Be Tied Jeggings (available HERE)

Square Saddle Bag: c/o Romwe Faux Leather Buckle Strap Flap Bag (available HERE)

Black Mesh Choker: unknown (very similar below)

Watch: c/o Rosegal Stylish Digital Watch with Red LED Multi-Function Dound Dial Silicone Band (available HERE)

Black Creepers: Boohoo (exact ones available HERE)

Photos: Karli Denae Photography

SHOP THE POST!

Follow me on Bloglovin’